Building A Purposeful Life

How would you describe passion?

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When I think about things that make me passionate, I would say that when I'm passionate about something, it can exhaust me but it doesn't feel like work.

 

So, a lot of time, when I'm describing being a professor or something like that to people, you have days where you're exhausted or when it's a lot of work or like being a professor can get stressful. But I've never had what I call the "Sunday Scaries"; when you enter the work-world and all of a sudden, Sunday, instead of being a nice, enjoyable weekend, Sunday becomes this really anxiety-inducing day. And a lot of my friends from college got it really bad. They hated Sundays, because it just felt like the work week was starting. I've never gotten "Sunday Scaries" because I think that being a professor doesn't feel like work.

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I think that's because I'm passionate about it. So when I think about passion, I think it's like it's something that can exhaust you and be stressful, but it doesn't feel like work.

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​You don't know what makes you passionate until you try it.

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How do you think passion like that develops?

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A lot of things, I think. Part of it is experience. You don't know what makes you passionate until you're tried it. Which is why I think with college students, I tell them "try something even if you hate it." The only way you're going to find out if you love something is if you try it, so I think you do have to have experience. When I was in grad school, if I didn't teach as much, I wouldn't have realized that college students are hilarious. I wanted to do that.

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Do you think that everyone has a passion? If they do, how would they be able to find it if they haven't found it yet?

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Yes. If they haven't found it yet, I guess it would just require going out of your comfort zone. You've got to try new stuff, but also, I don't know if passion is always a career. For some people, your passion can just be, like, family or children or pets or something else. Career and work isn't everything. Life develops them through experience and it's sort of like the life force. And I like thinking that way. Work isn't everything, and I don't think it should be everything. Your friends are young passion, your family can be your passion, your hobbies can be your passion. Finding the things that make you so happy can be your passion.

 

I don't think it "happens" either." I think you do so much development after college and in your 20s. I just think it just gets better over time. I remember when I graduated college, and people around me were sobbing, which was very sweet. Like, they're sad to leave, but I was like, "I had fun and learned a lot but why am I not as totally heartbroken?" I do think it's because things get better. It took me a while to find good friends. I was surrounded by people who were really intense. I think you just get exposed to more things and you find yourself a little bit more.

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Do you think exposure is kind of the key to experiences that make you, you?

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Yeah, I do think exposure and experiencing things is a big part of it. But I also think as you grow and age, you get better at reading yourself and knowing what makes you happy and what doesn't. You get better at being like, "okay, spending time with with this person doesn't bring me calm or job. I'm not going to spend time with that person." That gets easier to do as you get older, just like with experiences and things saying no to things that don't make you happy get easier. That's hard to do when you're younger.

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A lot happens spontaneously

as long as you are open to it.

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How do you know what things to experience or what experiences to look after?

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I think some come to you without trying, which is what I say to a lot of students who are really stressed and they're like, "I don't know, what I'm going to major in or what I like to do." I think some will come to you on their own, whether it's like a class or a job, and there's a small piece of the job, and there's a small piece of the job that you really enjoy. But I think that a lot happens spontaneously as long as you are open to it.

 

When I graduated, I had no idea what I was going to do, which then stinks because it just seems like everyone around you has a plan. Then, just as long as you kind of put your "feelers" out there, I think things fall into place. And the exposure can come spontaneously occurs.

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Everyone was pre-med when I was in school. I knew I didn't want to do anything medical. But then, maybe junior year, I picked up an anthropology major, which was kind of how I fell into an interest in how people behave. I think that's when Bio kind of merged with Pysch. I started doing some research as an undergrad and I really enjoyed that. And then, when I graduated, I still had no idea what I wanted to do, but I was putting "feelers" out there. I would say, "Okay, what's a biology research opportunity that I can do and expose myself to?"

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So once I got over the drama of "I'm about to graduate without a plan," once you get over that – which fine, that's normal – then I think you can be more open. So then I put "feelers" out and I did biology fieldwork. Then I worked at a zoo. And then, I did lab work with people because I wanted to see what it was like working with humans. Then, you kind of just see how each of those fulfills you or brings you joy or brings you stress and then you can kind of go from there.​​​​​​​​​​​​

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​When does it become too much time? Or when does too much time become procrastination?

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Have you ever been on a vacation and got bored? I feel that when I do long trips. I don't know if it can ever be too much time. I think the importance is balance. It's okay to have a productive work life, but you need to carve out time for yourself. The other thing I'm really adamant about is sleep, which won't happen until you get older. But then, I realized I just cannot function well without it. I read this book in one of my anthropology courses in undergrad. It was just a book about what lack of sleep does to your physical health. And ever since I've been like, "this is so important!" I can't pull all-nighters.

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​I remember in high school, I would work. I would do high school homework until like three or four in the morning. Like, get a life! What are you doing? So that, I think, was probably partly procrastination. And then, maybe the fear of needing enough sleep caused me to stop progressing a little bit more. Not that I don't anymore. I'm still progressing.

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​How do you think your perspective has changed within the past year or two?

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I think that expecting a child has changed my perspective in a good way. Like when you go to an appointment and get a checkup and they're like, "yep, fetus is okay." You feel this big relief. Being behind on grading isn't what was making me stressed. So that's been a good perspective. I think the focus shifts more on family. I just think there's this trend that things just get better over time. Like, as you get older, a perspective changes for the best. It's easier to slow down and say, "Wait, that doesn't matter." What maters is my health and the health of my family and the health of my friends, and things like that. So I think it's more positive, as I've aged, in a good way.

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As you get older, a perspective changes for the best. It's easier to slow down and say, 'Wait, that doesn't matter.'

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How did you know that you found the right people around you?

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For me, I think it's people who I want to be around even when things are really bad. So I remember, in my 20s, and dating people, realized that with my now husband, I wanted to be around him even on the most horrible of days or going through deaths in the family or things like that. This, for me being an introvert and knowing that being around people exhausts me, was a big sign.

 

I think that can be true from my closest friends, too. I want to be around them, even on my worst days. Or even when I'm super tired or super stressed. And I'm  like, "I don't want to teach today." I do think being around my college students makes me laugh and makes me feel happy. So that too, is just a sign, even when you're super exhausted or super tired. It's a good sign if you want to be around those people, even when you're at your worst.

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